BREAKING NEWS: FIFA Is Clueless

The United States did its best to convince cynics and anti-Americans everywhere that it may still be years away from competing with the world's top teams, falling 3-0 in its World Cup opener to the Czech Republic Monday.

From the opening minutes, the Americans looked flat, slow and seriously overmatched against a Czech team who to my mostly untrained eye appears to be a serious contencer to advance deep into this tournament.

Jan Koller, who at 6'8" seemed taller than the entire American defense combined, scored in just the game's 5th minute and the rout was on. Despite a near-miss by Captain Claudio Reyna which struck the left post, this was never a competitive contest.

Tomas Rosicky added another to the books with a beautiful bending shot before the break. He would add another late goal to make it 3-0.

Everything about this performance was awful.

After an 18 month PR push to make people in this country actually give a damn about this sport, it was striking how inept the Americans looked today. Is this really a good soccer team?

Who will make the plays for this team? Landon Donovan was a non-factor (he is still without a World Cup goal). Where was DeMarcus Beasley? Eddie Johnson offered the only real second half scoring chances after entering at the half.

This is an experienced team with 12 returning starters, but this match looked nothing more than the Varsity versus the JV.

Pathetic.

Like the United States, this bird laid a big egg.